I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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