i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize