One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
