Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My penis needs a shock collar
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
