Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i've created a new STD.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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