I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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