you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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