Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize