If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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