So drunk its hurt
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish i was in the wii world.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He felt like a one man threesome
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just gargled with NyQuil
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
