I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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