This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
