i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
