She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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