I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
