I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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