addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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