I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
