How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
