I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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