D3 body, D1 cock
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You may now shotgun with the bride
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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