Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
