Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
