I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
