all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
