I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
