i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize