They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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