you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
