You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
