his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
