careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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