I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
