I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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