There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
