the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
