I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
