One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
