Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
