She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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