dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
