Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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