You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
