Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
