i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a search helicopter?!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
