If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
