thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize