you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
