I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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