I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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