We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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