I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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