i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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