I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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