sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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