Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
