If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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