Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
