Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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