you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
