can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
