So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
