if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
COCAINE IS GR8
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
