I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
