pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize