I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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