in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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